10 Steps To Moving On
How To Move On When A Relationship Ends
By Isabella Gladd
Published February 13, 2008
Breaking up is hard to do, but moving on is an absolute must. Seeing through a veil of emotional pain and hurt can be difficult while the mind is foggy, but looking back won't help matters. If you feel stuck in your present situation, you may need a gentle nudge to push you forward. If the support of family and friends does not provide enough motivation, it is time to take matters into your own hands. Moving on from a bad relationship can be rocky, but these tips will help you stay strong during the process.
1. You Did Not Fail
After the end of a relationship you may feel you are to blame, but beating yourself up over past mistakes will only make you feel worse. The relationship failed; you did not. Treat yourself with the same compassion and understanding that you would a friend. While the little voice inside your head continually chides you, drown it out by admitting that you are not at fault and you did not fail.
2. Believe In Moving On
While you may still feel sad about the end of the relationship, believe you are moving on, whether this is true or not. Each time a thought of your ex-boyfriend enters your mind, whisk it away and tell yourself, “I’m moving on.”
If you should run into your ex, forget about trying to make him jealous by flirting in his presence or flaunting a new prospect. Instead say hello, smile and show him that you are moving on with your life. Eventually you will believe it and know that you have done just that.
3. Get Busy
You may find you have more time on your hands than before. Instead of using your time for dwelling on the past or indulging in useless fantasies, get busy with new projects and creative endeavors. Paint the kitchen, revamp your bedroom or make it your mission to reorganize your home.
Other ideas include volunteering for nonprofit organizations, reading to individuals in retirement homes and mentoring a child or teenager. Offer your expertise to a candidate running for election that supports the same issues as you do. Get busy and make yourself feel good at the same time.
4. Pamper Yourself
If you feel unworthy, spend time pampering yourself to rebuild confidence. You can do this by taking a warm bubble bath, leafing through magazines to find new hairstyles, planning a day at the spa with your friends, or setting up an appointment for a manicure, pedicure and facial. Start a new exercise regimen to get into the greatest shape of your life. Walk, run, dance, or do whatever activity suits you, but do it at least five days a week. Not only will you become physically healthier, but your mood will improve, too.
If you are not much of a social individual, spend time finding a new book, renting a great movie or learning a new hobby. Have you always wanted to take up photography, painting, or web design? Now is the time to give it a go and delve into something new.
5. Talk, Talk, Talk
Call up your sister or your best friend and let it out.Scream, rage, cry, and talk until there is nothing left to say. Make sure the support person knows that you intend to let it all out and that you may cuss and cry. Choose your best listening friend, someone who is willing to sit and listen without needing to add her two-cents worth, unless you wish it.
6. Walk Out the Door
You may feel like staying in bed with covers pulled up to your chin for the next three weeks, but getting out will improve your mood faster. Go out with friends, even when you do not feel like partying. A quiet dinner and a movie with people who care about you is bound to make you feel good. Walk out the door for a weekend getaway, go to the library, go to a museum, or go to a concert. Either way... just go!
7. Permission To Feel Sad
You are allowed to be sad, so take the time to mourn the end of the relationship, and shed your tears. Contemplate the time the two of you spent together. Consider what worked in the relationship and what did not. Give yourself permission to feel the pain and hurt, but set a time limit and then move on when the time has expired.
8. You Will Love Again
In the midst of your woeful state, you may feel hopeless about finding love again, but nothing could be further from the truth. If you are open to loving and being loved, it will indeed come your way. Give yourself plenty of time to heal the wounds, but eventually you will want to move on and meet the possibility of love with someone new.
9. Get Unstuck
After the end of a long-term relationship you may feel as though you can’t move on. You may think about him constantly, wonder what he’s doing and who he’s with, and spend more time weeping than sleeping. If you feel stuck to the point of not being able to function or move forward, get unstuck with the help of a professional. Seek a relationship therapist or counselor who can offer an objective view into the problem. Just remember, you never have to go it alone.
10. Moving-On Don’ts
The urge to get even after a bitter break-up must never get the best of you. Refrain from adding misery to your life by using thoughtless moving-on tactics to get over him.
*Do not call your ex on the phone just to hear his voice and then hang up. More than likely he has caller ID and will know it is you. Do you really want to seem that desperate? Of course not, so take the high road.
*Do not bad mouth your past love or spread untruths about him to anyone who will listen. Dwelling on him after the relationship ends hurts you more than spreading rumors hurts him.
*Do not head for the nearest mall for an all-day shopping spree.
When you are in a state of sadness and feeling down, unchecked spending is more likely to occur. Wait until life appears rosier before shopping for new clothes.
*Do not send that long, passionate, five-page letter you wrote, begging him to come back or give the relationship another try. It’s ok to write it if it helps you get your feelings out, but burn or tear it into a million pieces afterward.
*Do not indulge in pounds of chocolate candy or gallons of your favorite ice cream flavors to drown your sorrows. Gaining weight during your new-found independence will only make you feel worse. If you really must have a favorite food, ask a friend to join you at an ice cream shop for a one-time treat.
Once you try these tips, you'll see that moving on isn't so hard after all. Though it will be challenging at times, just remember that time heals all wounds. Eventually the pain you feel today will lessen, and at some point, go away completely. Knowing how to move on keeps you pushing forward to a better place. And besides, the best revenge you can reap upon an ex is to live a full and happy life without him.
Are You Over Your Ex?
It's been months since you and your ex parted ways, and you've been navigating the road to recovery ever since. Has that road been surprisingly smooth or unbearably bumpy? Find out if you're really ready to move on to new adventures in love and life or if you're still hung up on your ex with this quiz.
MY THOUGHTS
very very sensible.i like the "permission to be sad". i don't think moving on is possible if you don't let yourself go through the pain. and NEVER NEVER go shopping after a break-up. nonono.
