more than just a shoulder to cry on

More Than A Shoulder to Cry On: The Surprising Benefits of Friendship

By Lauren Dzubow
O, The Oprah Magazine | March 31, 2010



Women are hardwired to crave close friendships, and these bonds can provide us with unique benefits. Here, a few things researchers have recently uncovered about the power of friendships.


The friendship effect: Mountains become molehills

How it works: In a study published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, researchers asked participants to stand at the base of a steep hill and estimate how tough it would be to climb. Those standing with a friend gauged the ascent to be less steep compared with those who were alone.

What's more... The longer the study participants had known their friends, the more gentle they estimated the incline to be.

The friendship effect: Disease becomes less deadly

How it works: Harvard research has shown that breast cancer patients with no friendship network are four times more likely to die from the disease than those with ten or more close friends.

What's more... Studies have also shown that social support can lower blood pressure, protect against dementia, and reduce the risk of depression.

The friendship effect: Stress feels more manageable

How it works: When women are stressed, their brains release the feel-good hormone oxytocin, which encourages them to bond. (Male brains, on the other hand, are more subject to the effects of the hormones cortisol and adrenaline, which promote the fight-or-flight response.)

What's more... "The female response is much more effective in mitigating stress and may be one reason women tend to outlive men," says Terri Apter, PhD, professor of psychology at the University of Cambridge.

MY THOUGHTS

For me, the friendship effect: life is a blessing. Mountains do become molehills because you have friends to climb with. When you're sick and friends wish you well, you do feel better. And stress is just stress when you have friends to talk the stress away. We went through a lot the past year - my friends and myself - but we all got through all right not only because we have a shoulder to cry on but because we have friends to laugh with and to pray with. i cannot imagine m life without my friends - even our shoulders get soaked sometimes with all the crying.

5 Friends Every Woman Should Have

5 Friends Every Woman Should Have
By Michelle Burford
O, The Oprah Magazine | May 15, 2005

"Friends are the family we choose for ourselves," writer Edna Buchanan once said. I consider the "family" I've gathered—with five kinds of pals I count on for completely different things—among the wisest choices I've made. If you can find even one who embodies any of the characteristics that follow, you can consider yourself fortunate.

1. The Uplifter
This woman's favorite word: yes. You could tell her you're trading your six-figure income for a career in offtrack betting, and she'd barely pause before yelping "Go for it!" Don't you need someone who looks past the love handles to notice the extraordinarily gorgeous you?

2. The Travel Buddy
When the hotel in St. Lucia is a bust, one characteristic becomes all-important: flexibility. This agreeable companion need not be the girl you traded pinkie swears with on the playground; it's enough that she's comfortable with quiet (between gabfests) and is a teensy bit mischievous (as in tequila after midnight).

3. The Truth Teller
Intent is what separates the constructive from the abusive. Once you've established that the hard news is spoken in love (not in jealousy or malice), you'd be smart to seek out this woman's perspective.

4. The Girl Who Just Wants to Have Fun
One Saturday a pal and I—and yes, we're both over age 12—pored over every glitter lip gloss in a drugstore aisle for an entire 45 minutes. Forget the crisis download (for that, see the Uplifter); this partnership is about spontaneous good times.

5. The Unlikely Friend
"Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive," Anaïs Nin wrote. My friends—some twice my age, others half, some rich, others homeless, some black like me, others Korean, Mexican, Caucasian—have added richness to my life that only variety can bring.

MY THOUGHTS

I am incredibly lucky. My mom once said i have a few but they are all true. I praise God that he has blessed my life with friends who embody the 5 characteristics mentioned above. some of them in fact, have several of these traits, if not all. No wonder i can survive just about anyting. To my friends who are closest to my heart - you know who you are - thank you. My prayer is that i can be all of these to you too.