Q&A – Is He Still in Love with His Ex?
Daily Inspiration
John H. Sklare, Ed.D
Published August 30, 2007
Q: My husband wants to stay friends with his ex-wife. He always wants to go over to her house to visit her and keep an eye on her, even if it means messing up our plans. Is he still in love with her? He tells me no, but he says he’s all that she has. What do I do?
-Diane C.
A: Hi Diane,
I don’t blame you one bit for being alarmed and concerned about this behavior – it would bother me, too. The amount of time and attention he’s giving to his ex-wife makes me wonder about his feelings for her. Of course, there is no way for me to know if he still “loves” her, but I tend to judge people on what they do as opposed to what they say. If he constantly attends to her needs at the expense of your needs and the needs of your relationship, there’s definitely a problem. Either he still has feelings for her or she is a master manipulator. But his behavior is clearly saying that you come second and will continue to as long as YOU permit it.
I suggest another strong heart-to-heart talk with him about this. If that gets you nowhere, make an appointment with a marriage counselor and start working on this immediately. If he refuses to go to counseling, go by yourself! It’s time for him to start acting like what a good husband should be – yours.
Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
MY THOUGHTS
Does she even need to ask? Duh!
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Saturday, May 7, 2011
MOTHER AND DAUGHTER GET AWAY
MOTHER AND DAUGHTER GET AWAY
from the article "Renew Your Mother-Daughter Relationship"
Solve Mother-Daughter Relationship Problems
By Kat DeLong
Published January 23, 2008
"If your mother-daughter relationship has gone from blissful to bittersweet, you are not alone. As one of the most intense intergenerational relationships, the bond between a mother and daughter tends to strain during the teenage years and must adapt if the relationship is to survive. How old were you when your mother stopped being the perfect parent and became just a regular human being? The way both people adjust to their new roles is the key to building a strong foundation that will continue for the rest of their lives. Adapting to the new mother-daughter relationship doesn’t have to be difficult – it can be fun if you know where to look."
"One of the best ways to foster a more positive mother-daughter relationship is to start a tradition that will allow that relationship time and space to grow. And one of the best ways to do this is with a mother-daughter getaway that will remove both people from their ordinary lives and give them time to be together without day-to-day distractions. Whether you choose to go whitewater rafting or spend a week together at a spa, keep these tips in mind for a smoother and more rewarding experience.
* Go somewhere that is new to both of you. If one person has been to a destination before, there is a tendency for that person to “be the boss.” If it is a new experience for everyone, the playing field is leveled.
* Find a destination that is out of the ordinary, but appeals to both people. If your mother hates roller coasters and likes to relax, a class-four white-water rafting trip is probably going to add to the stress. At the same time, if the daughter likes constant action, a trip to a relaxing spa might not be the best idea. Pick an exciting city that has enough for both women – a trip to New Yorkhas activities that would suit almost any personality.
* Start small. If you’re not sure that a week alone is a good idea, take a long weekend road trip to a new destination. The point is to improve your mother-daughter relationship, not the amount of time you spend away.
* Do girly stuff together, even if you don’t usually. Facials, manicures andshopping are all great activities to do together. If it is not your idea of the best way to spend your day, try it anyway. You might just find that it is the time you spend together rather then your newly polished nails that are the reward.
* Try something that the other person likes to do. Stretch yourself so that you can see another side of your mother or daughter. You never know – a less strenuous rafting trip might end up being a lot of fun.
* Don’t go it alone. If the thought of spending one day completely alone together makes you anxious, bring some friends. Another mother-daughter pair can take the spotlight off your relationship and make everyone more relaxed. Just make sure that all parties will get along reasonably well.
* Lower your expectations. Life is not like the movies and you probably won’t experience many breakthroughs, but a getaway together can help you to see your mother or daughter outside of her normal roles. Try to enjoy your time together without looking for any “aha” moments.
* Remember that you are not joined at the hip. You do not have to spend every waking (or sleeping) minute together in order to improve your mother-daughter relationship. Consider getting adjoining rooms or scheduling activities apart for some of the time. This can lower frustrations and allow you to come back together with something interesting to talk about.
Mother-daughter relationships can be complicated and frustrating. If yours needs a tune up, take a few minutes to try to understand where the problems lie and if possible, understand how the relationship has changed over the years. A getaway that is structured just for the two of you can be a great way to get to know each other again as long as you don’t expect too much. Take a few risks. You never know when you’ll stop being seen in your traditional role as a mother or daughter, and start being seen as the gal who knows how to row into a class-four whitewater rapid."
MY THOUGHTS
Just be thankful for the opportunity to strengthen or restore or rebuild.
from the article "Renew Your Mother-Daughter Relationship"
Solve Mother-Daughter Relationship Problems
By Kat DeLong
Published January 23, 2008
"If your mother-daughter relationship has gone from blissful to bittersweet, you are not alone. As one of the most intense intergenerational relationships, the bond between a mother and daughter tends to strain during the teenage years and must adapt if the relationship is to survive. How old were you when your mother stopped being the perfect parent and became just a regular human being? The way both people adjust to their new roles is the key to building a strong foundation that will continue for the rest of their lives. Adapting to the new mother-daughter relationship doesn’t have to be difficult – it can be fun if you know where to look."
"One of the best ways to foster a more positive mother-daughter relationship is to start a tradition that will allow that relationship time and space to grow. And one of the best ways to do this is with a mother-daughter getaway that will remove both people from their ordinary lives and give them time to be together without day-to-day distractions. Whether you choose to go whitewater rafting or spend a week together at a spa, keep these tips in mind for a smoother and more rewarding experience.
* Go somewhere that is new to both of you. If one person has been to a destination before, there is a tendency for that person to “be the boss.” If it is a new experience for everyone, the playing field is leveled.
* Find a destination that is out of the ordinary, but appeals to both people. If your mother hates roller coasters and likes to relax, a class-four white-water rafting trip is probably going to add to the stress. At the same time, if the daughter likes constant action, a trip to a relaxing spa might not be the best idea. Pick an exciting city that has enough for both women – a trip to New Yorkhas activities that would suit almost any personality.
* Start small. If you’re not sure that a week alone is a good idea, take a long weekend road trip to a new destination. The point is to improve your mother-daughter relationship, not the amount of time you spend away.
* Do girly stuff together, even if you don’t usually. Facials, manicures andshopping are all great activities to do together. If it is not your idea of the best way to spend your day, try it anyway. You might just find that it is the time you spend together rather then your newly polished nails that are the reward.
* Try something that the other person likes to do. Stretch yourself so that you can see another side of your mother or daughter. You never know – a less strenuous rafting trip might end up being a lot of fun.
* Don’t go it alone. If the thought of spending one day completely alone together makes you anxious, bring some friends. Another mother-daughter pair can take the spotlight off your relationship and make everyone more relaxed. Just make sure that all parties will get along reasonably well.
* Lower your expectations. Life is not like the movies and you probably won’t experience many breakthroughs, but a getaway together can help you to see your mother or daughter outside of her normal roles. Try to enjoy your time together without looking for any “aha” moments.
* Remember that you are not joined at the hip. You do not have to spend every waking (or sleeping) minute together in order to improve your mother-daughter relationship. Consider getting adjoining rooms or scheduling activities apart for some of the time. This can lower frustrations and allow you to come back together with something interesting to talk about.
Mother-daughter relationships can be complicated and frustrating. If yours needs a tune up, take a few minutes to try to understand where the problems lie and if possible, understand how the relationship has changed over the years. A getaway that is structured just for the two of you can be a great way to get to know each other again as long as you don’t expect too much. Take a few risks. You never know when you’ll stop being seen in your traditional role as a mother or daughter, and start being seen as the gal who knows how to row into a class-four whitewater rapid."
MY THOUGHTS
Just be thankful for the opportunity to strengthen or restore or rebuild.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
WHEN A HUSBAND DOESN'T SHARE HIS FEELINGS
Q&A – Help! My Husband Doesn’t Share His Feelings
Daily Inspiration
By John H. Sklare, Ed.D, Lifescript Personal Coach
Published May 05, 2011
Q: How do you deal with a husband who doesn’t share his thoughts and feelings with you?
-Erica S.
A: Hi Erica,
You ask a great question about a communication issue that lies at the center of many women’s heartache. Your husband is like a lot of men in this way. For some women, this poses no problem because they’re perfectly happy with a man who simply loves and cares for them through action. Others, like you, need something much deeper from their mate than mere physical displays of love.
Sometimes you can draw out more thoughts and feelings from your man through friendly and playful probing. However, for most men, the reluctance to engage in intimate communication is the result of a lifetime of behaving this way. Some people get involved in couples groups that specialize in strengthening communication skills, or you can start short-term marital counseling. You can’t make someone open up, but you can do everything possible to set the stage for that to happen. The good news is that these are skills that can be learned if the student is willing and the environment is safe.
Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
www.innerdiet.com
MY THOUGHTS
I belong the "other" group. And in all my encounters with men, I found one. Just one man who have no qualms about sharing his thoughts and feelings. Whatever they were. It was truly endearing. And refreshing. And actually liberating to be allowed into those inner thoughts and feelings that are so different from mine.
Daily Inspiration
By John H. Sklare, Ed.D, Lifescript Personal Coach
Published May 05, 2011
Q: How do you deal with a husband who doesn’t share his thoughts and feelings with you?
-Erica S.
A: Hi Erica,
You ask a great question about a communication issue that lies at the center of many women’s heartache. Your husband is like a lot of men in this way. For some women, this poses no problem because they’re perfectly happy with a man who simply loves and cares for them through action. Others, like you, need something much deeper from their mate than mere physical displays of love.
Sometimes you can draw out more thoughts and feelings from your man through friendly and playful probing. However, for most men, the reluctance to engage in intimate communication is the result of a lifetime of behaving this way. Some people get involved in couples groups that specialize in strengthening communication skills, or you can start short-term marital counseling. You can’t make someone open up, but you can do everything possible to set the stage for that to happen. The good news is that these are skills that can be learned if the student is willing and the environment is safe.
Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
www.innerdiet.com
MY THOUGHTS
I belong the "other" group. And in all my encounters with men, I found one. Just one man who have no qualms about sharing his thoughts and feelings. Whatever they were. It was truly endearing. And refreshing. And actually liberating to be allowed into those inner thoughts and feelings that are so different from mine.
GETTING WHAT YOU WANT IN RELATIONSHIPS
You Want What You Want
Daily Inspiration
John H. Sklare, Ed.D
Published May 29, 2006
The desire for acceptance, love and recognition is a very powerful drive in human behavior. We all want to be liked, supported and treated with respect from those around us. Unfortunately, we don't always get what we want. Sometimes those who we seek love, acceptance and support from simply refuse to give it or, because of issues of their own, simply don’t deliver it. Issues, I might add, that typically have nothing to do with you. It's the difference, however, between what you want and what you get from those around you that often sets your emotional temperature and creates your level of happiness and contentment.
If you find yourself in this boat and are not getting what you want and need from those around you, why not make today the day you start taking action. My theory is this. If someone does something that consistently upsets you and you say nothing, you have no right to be upset if they continue that behavior. So here’s your assignment today. Pick one person in your life that consistently does this to you and tell them, in a loving and non-confrontational way, what you really want from them. This is how you begin to close the gap between what you want and what you get.
Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
www.innerdiet.com
MY THOUGHTS
Don't assume anything.
Daily Inspiration
John H. Sklare, Ed.D
Published May 29, 2006
The desire for acceptance, love and recognition is a very powerful drive in human behavior. We all want to be liked, supported and treated with respect from those around us. Unfortunately, we don't always get what we want. Sometimes those who we seek love, acceptance and support from simply refuse to give it or, because of issues of their own, simply don’t deliver it. Issues, I might add, that typically have nothing to do with you. It's the difference, however, between what you want and what you get from those around you that often sets your emotional temperature and creates your level of happiness and contentment.
If you find yourself in this boat and are not getting what you want and need from those around you, why not make today the day you start taking action. My theory is this. If someone does something that consistently upsets you and you say nothing, you have no right to be upset if they continue that behavior. So here’s your assignment today. Pick one person in your life that consistently does this to you and tell them, in a loving and non-confrontational way, what you really want from them. This is how you begin to close the gap between what you want and what you get.
Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
www.innerdiet.com
MY THOUGHTS
Don't assume anything.
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