Relationships 101
Daily Inspiration
By John H. Sklare, Ed.D, Lifescript Personal Coach
Published May 11, 2012
On
a scale from 1 to 10, with 1 meaning horrible and 10 meaning blissful,
how would you rate the level of happiness with your current
relationship?
If you’re like most people and are being totally honest, I’m guessing few of you would choose a 9 or 10. I say that because, whenever I’ve asked this question in the past, I seldom get those high marks. Why? Because regardless of how good your current relationship is, it could always be better.
The best advice given on relationships can be summed up in the following word… communication.
The two kinds of critical communications are verbal and non-verbal. When combined, they create the deepest, most satisfying and healthiest kinds of relationships.
Some people are great at saying “I love you” verbally, but are poor at showing their love behaviorally.
For example, take the partner who easily says “I love you” all the time but never makes themselves available to help you when you need assistance or can’t seem to offer you that all important hug when you want it most.
Then there are those who will break their backs physically demonstrating how much they love you through actions, but can never bring themselves to say those words. They’re always right there when you need something physical - like helping with the housework or providing the hug I mentioned earlier - but you’ll never hear “I love you” from their lips.
If you’re like most people and are being totally honest, I’m guessing few of you would choose a 9 or 10. I say that because, whenever I’ve asked this question in the past, I seldom get those high marks. Why? Because regardless of how good your current relationship is, it could always be better.
The best advice given on relationships can be summed up in the following word… communication.
The two kinds of critical communications are verbal and non-verbal. When combined, they create the deepest, most satisfying and healthiest kinds of relationships.
Some people are great at saying “I love you” verbally, but are poor at showing their love behaviorally.
For example, take the partner who easily says “I love you” all the time but never makes themselves available to help you when you need assistance or can’t seem to offer you that all important hug when you want it most.
Then there are those who will break their backs physically demonstrating how much they love you through actions, but can never bring themselves to say those words. They’re always right there when you need something physical - like helping with the housework or providing the hug I mentioned earlier - but you’ll never hear “I love you” from their lips.
If
you need to hear those words, a partner who isn’t verbally
communicative can be frustrating and disappointing. And if you need to
see physical demonstrations of your partner’s love and they never show
it, you also find yourself unhappy and feeling disconnected. Even though
I generally feel that showing you love someone is more important than
saying it, a healthy combination of both is needed in most
relationships.
Let me ask you to again return to the 10-point scale I referred to earlier. I want you to rate yourself and your partner on the following two questions (10 means Always and 1 means Never):
Performance regarding showing love verbally:
YOU ______ YOUR PARTNER ______
Performance regarding showing love non-verbally:
YOU ______ YOUR PARTNER ______
If you answered those questions honestly, you may now have some insight that you didn’t have before. By making these two subjective assessments, you can identify the areas where improvement can be made.
If you’re brave enough, ask your partner to answer these questions too. This is a fun and non-threatening way to gently introduce this subject to your spouse or partner. I also think you’d find it enlightening to see how your partner views you on these two forms of communication.
Let me ask you to again return to the 10-point scale I referred to earlier. I want you to rate yourself and your partner on the following two questions (10 means Always and 1 means Never):
Performance regarding showing love verbally:
YOU ______ YOUR PARTNER ______
Performance regarding showing love non-verbally:
YOU ______ YOUR PARTNER ______
If you answered those questions honestly, you may now have some insight that you didn’t have before. By making these two subjective assessments, you can identify the areas where improvement can be made.
If you’re brave enough, ask your partner to answer these questions too. This is a fun and non-threatening way to gently introduce this subject to your spouse or partner. I also think you’d find it enlightening to see how your partner views you on these two forms of communication.
After
seeing and discussing your scores, you and your mate both should make a
conscious effort to improve those areas where communication is weak and
become a better partner for the other. Your relationship will grow
deeper and much stronger as a result.
Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
www.innerdiet.com Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
MY THOUGHTS
If you got a low rating, don't despair. The ability to communicate is a skill. It can be learned. It can be improved. If you love each other enough, you can work this out.
Be warned, though. Even if you're lucky enough to have found the 'perfect blend', without constant nurturing, things can go down the drain. People clam up. People withdraw.
Don't look up to your partner to give their share. You are part of the equation, too.
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