5 tips to help your man manage stress
6:05 AM, Aug. 13, 2011
In a time when a dwindling economy has led to more job insecurity and crazier work schedules, men are feeling increasingly stressed to hold down a job and bring in an income, according to a recent study by the New York-based Work and Family Institute.
But helping your boyfriend or husband manage those stresses isn't difficult - from the expert advice of Cosmopolitan Magazine, you can learn a few simple tricks to help him see the brighter side of things.
STOCK UP ON SNACKS. When your man is stressed, reach for the chips and keep 'em coming. By munching on his favorite crunchy snack, he'll actually get a subtle stress release from bodily tensions, similar to squeezing a stress ball, according to Kathleen Hall, founder of The Stress Institute.
KEEP A SLIGHT DISTANCE. A clingy girlfriend is the last thing a man wants when he is stressed. However, there is a way to stay close and help alleviate tension. According to Hall, research shows that a man begins to produce oxytocin - the affectionate chemical - at high levels when he is 3 feet away from a woman. So, give him some space but stay close. When you're sitting on the couch, ensure you're just barely touching. He'll begin to feel closer to you without realizing it.
CHALLENGE HIM TO A GAME. Hall suggests Wii Tennis, but any similar activity will produce the same results: By tapping into his competitive side, he'll not only forget about work stresses but his body also will release happy-inducing chemicals, like serotonin.
MAKE IT A COCKTAIL HOUR. Although you can't jet off on a vacation every time life gets a little stressful, you can try to recreate the carefree experience by serving him a fruity cocktail that will make him think of white beaches, not work.
GET A LAUGH. Because men often react more to visual stimulus, you can help him unwind by putting something funny directly in his face. Look up a hilarious YouTube video and share it with him during the day. Even better, if you watch it together, your smile will help brighten his day.
MY THOUGHTS
A stressed partner is hard for relationships. If we want our relationships to work, we need to be sensitive to our partners. We should be aware of his stress levels and try to be supportive instead of causing more stress. Honestly, I think your ability to lessen th stress depends on your partner and what relaxes him. Some would like to talk about their problems. Some would prefer to stay off the subject. Others would like to sleep it off. While for others, being active will do the trick. If your efforts don't seem to work, don't take it personally. That will lead to more stress for the both of you.
Showing posts with label intimacy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label intimacy. Show all posts
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
What Do You Prefer in YOur Relationship: WORDS OR ACTIONS?
Words Versus Action
Daily Inspiration
By John H. Sklare, Ed.D, Lifescript Personal Coach
Published December 10, 2010
There are two separate but distinct kinds of emails that I receive from people who are struggling in their relationships: Those whose significant other says he or she loves them but doesn’t show it, and those whose significant other shows love but never says it.
Personally, I tend to judge people more by what they do than by what they say. However, the ideal relationship contains a healthy mix of both of these. But some people get all words and others get all actions. Today I ask you to reflect on which two modes of loving communication you most appreciate. In other words, even though both are important, what’s more important to you in an intimate relationship? Is it what your lover says or does?
Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
MY THOUGHTS
What's more important to me in a relationship? If I have to choose between words and actions, I'd probably go for the latter. Who doesn't want to feel that you're loved?. Who wouldn't want to be showered with love? Still, it's nice to hear, every so often, what the other person feels. Why does it have to be a choice between the two? I believe you can have both. It's not impossible. But if you are in a relationship where you have one but not the other, be thankful. Be very thankful. Some people have not even experienced either one.
Daily Inspiration
By John H. Sklare, Ed.D, Lifescript Personal Coach
Published December 10, 2010
There are two separate but distinct kinds of emails that I receive from people who are struggling in their relationships: Those whose significant other says he or she loves them but doesn’t show it, and those whose significant other shows love but never says it.
Personally, I tend to judge people more by what they do than by what they say. However, the ideal relationship contains a healthy mix of both of these. But some people get all words and others get all actions. Today I ask you to reflect on which two modes of loving communication you most appreciate. In other words, even though both are important, what’s more important to you in an intimate relationship? Is it what your lover says or does?
Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
MY THOUGHTS
What's more important to me in a relationship? If I have to choose between words and actions, I'd probably go for the latter. Who doesn't want to feel that you're loved?. Who wouldn't want to be showered with love? Still, it's nice to hear, every so often, what the other person feels. Why does it have to be a choice between the two? I believe you can have both. It's not impossible. But if you are in a relationship where you have one but not the other, be thankful. Be very thankful. Some people have not even experienced either one.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
WHEN A HUSBAND DOESN'T SHARE HIS FEELINGS
Q&A – Help! My Husband Doesn’t Share His Feelings
Daily Inspiration
By John H. Sklare, Ed.D, Lifescript Personal Coach
Published May 05, 2011
Q: How do you deal with a husband who doesn’t share his thoughts and feelings with you?
-Erica S.
A: Hi Erica,
You ask a great question about a communication issue that lies at the center of many women’s heartache. Your husband is like a lot of men in this way. For some women, this poses no problem because they’re perfectly happy with a man who simply loves and cares for them through action. Others, like you, need something much deeper from their mate than mere physical displays of love.
Sometimes you can draw out more thoughts and feelings from your man through friendly and playful probing. However, for most men, the reluctance to engage in intimate communication is the result of a lifetime of behaving this way. Some people get involved in couples groups that specialize in strengthening communication skills, or you can start short-term marital counseling. You can’t make someone open up, but you can do everything possible to set the stage for that to happen. The good news is that these are skills that can be learned if the student is willing and the environment is safe.
Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
www.innerdiet.com
MY THOUGHTS
I belong the "other" group. And in all my encounters with men, I found one. Just one man who have no qualms about sharing his thoughts and feelings. Whatever they were. It was truly endearing. And refreshing. And actually liberating to be allowed into those inner thoughts and feelings that are so different from mine.
Daily Inspiration
By John H. Sklare, Ed.D, Lifescript Personal Coach
Published May 05, 2011
Q: How do you deal with a husband who doesn’t share his thoughts and feelings with you?
-Erica S.
A: Hi Erica,
You ask a great question about a communication issue that lies at the center of many women’s heartache. Your husband is like a lot of men in this way. For some women, this poses no problem because they’re perfectly happy with a man who simply loves and cares for them through action. Others, like you, need something much deeper from their mate than mere physical displays of love.
Sometimes you can draw out more thoughts and feelings from your man through friendly and playful probing. However, for most men, the reluctance to engage in intimate communication is the result of a lifetime of behaving this way. Some people get involved in couples groups that specialize in strengthening communication skills, or you can start short-term marital counseling. You can’t make someone open up, but you can do everything possible to set the stage for that to happen. The good news is that these are skills that can be learned if the student is willing and the environment is safe.
Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
www.innerdiet.com
MY THOUGHTS
I belong the "other" group. And in all my encounters with men, I found one. Just one man who have no qualms about sharing his thoughts and feelings. Whatever they were. It was truly endearing. And refreshing. And actually liberating to be allowed into those inner thoughts and feelings that are so different from mine.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
WHAT IS INTIMACY TO YOU?
How to Build Intimacy in Your Relationship
By Helen Fisher, PhD
O, The Oprah Magazine | From the October 2009 issue of O, The Oprah Magazine
What is intimacy to you?" Recently, I asked this of a man I've been seeing. He replied, "Doing things together." I knew what he meant.
Most of us have a primal craving to be truly known by someone before we die, to build a deeply committed relationship based on honesty, trust, self-disclosure, respect, appreciation, interdependence, and togetherness. But the sexes often define intimacy differently. When women want to draw closer, we face each other, lock eyes in what has been called the "anchoring gaze," and proceed to reveal our hopes, our worries, our lives. To women, intimacy is talking face-to-face—a behavior that probably evolved millions of years ago when ancestral females spent their days holding their infants up in front of them, soothing them with words.
Men, however, often regard intimacy as working or playing side-by-side. Sure, they might discuss a bad week at work, even troubles in their love lives. But rarely do they share their secret dreams and darkest fears. (When they do, they often use "joke speak," camouflaging their feelings with humor.) And men almost never look deeply into each other's eyes. Their approach to intimacy probably also harks back to prehistory: Picture ancestral males gathering behind a bush, quietly staring across the grass in hopes of felling a passing buffalo. They faced their enemies but sat next to their friends.
This is why, to build intimacy with a man, I do things with him—side-by-side. That way, when I talk, he isn't threatened by my gaze.
Curious to find out more about such gender differences, I asked 4,876 members of the Internet dating site Chemistry.com , "What would you do as an intimate activity with a partner?" and offered various choices. I found that men were far more likely to regard "debating" as intimate. I wasn't surprised: Intimacy requires being in your comfort zone, and men's testosterone is associated with competitiveness. On the other hand, women were more likely to consider "organizing a neighborhood or community party together" and "taking a vacation together with a crowd of your closest friends" as ways to be close. Because estrogen is associated with social skills and nurturing, I wasn't surprised by this either.
What I didn't expect was that 95 percent of all respondents rated "talking heart-to-heart with your partner about your relationship" as something they'd do to be intimate, while 94 percent felt that "doing something adventurous together" spelled togetherness—with hardly any difference between the sexes. If these results are any indication that men are learning to appreciate women's need to talk, while women are understanding the male way of showing love ("actions speak louder than words"), then bravo!
There are, of course, many other things you can do to cultivate togetherness . Help your partner achieve his goals. Face your problems as a team. Develop a private spiritual or religious world. Choose a new interest to pursue jointly. Do chores together. Play.
And get the oxytocin flowing. Oxytocin is a brain chemical that produces feelings of trust and attachment. Men get a blast of it when they kiss, women feel a rush when they hold a lover's hand, and during orgasm, both partners are flooded with the powerful substance. So last but not least, enjoy each other physically. Good sex really does build intimacy.
MY THOUGHTS
if you're looking for a man who will define intimacy the way you do, which is 'talking heart-to-heart' with the 'anchoring gaze', don't despair. there are men like that. you just have to look harder. there are not many of them out there.
By Helen Fisher, PhD
O, The Oprah Magazine | From the October 2009 issue of O, The Oprah Magazine
What is intimacy to you?" Recently, I asked this of a man I've been seeing. He replied, "Doing things together." I knew what he meant.
Most of us have a primal craving to be truly known by someone before we die, to build a deeply committed relationship based on honesty, trust, self-disclosure, respect, appreciation, interdependence, and togetherness. But the sexes often define intimacy differently. When women want to draw closer, we face each other, lock eyes in what has been called the "anchoring gaze," and proceed to reveal our hopes, our worries, our lives. To women, intimacy is talking face-to-face—a behavior that probably evolved millions of years ago when ancestral females spent their days holding their infants up in front of them, soothing them with words.
Men, however, often regard intimacy as working or playing side-by-side. Sure, they might discuss a bad week at work, even troubles in their love lives. But rarely do they share their secret dreams and darkest fears. (When they do, they often use "joke speak," camouflaging their feelings with humor.) And men almost never look deeply into each other's eyes. Their approach to intimacy probably also harks back to prehistory: Picture ancestral males gathering behind a bush, quietly staring across the grass in hopes of felling a passing buffalo. They faced their enemies but sat next to their friends.
This is why, to build intimacy with a man, I do things with him—side-by-side. That way, when I talk, he isn't threatened by my gaze.
Curious to find out more about such gender differences, I asked 4,876 members of the Internet dating site Chemistry.com , "What would you do as an intimate activity with a partner?" and offered various choices. I found that men were far more likely to regard "debating" as intimate. I wasn't surprised: Intimacy requires being in your comfort zone, and men's testosterone is associated with competitiveness. On the other hand, women were more likely to consider "organizing a neighborhood or community party together" and "taking a vacation together with a crowd of your closest friends" as ways to be close. Because estrogen is associated with social skills and nurturing, I wasn't surprised by this either.
What I didn't expect was that 95 percent of all respondents rated "talking heart-to-heart with your partner about your relationship" as something they'd do to be intimate, while 94 percent felt that "doing something adventurous together" spelled togetherness—with hardly any difference between the sexes. If these results are any indication that men are learning to appreciate women's need to talk, while women are understanding the male way of showing love ("actions speak louder than words"), then bravo!
There are, of course, many other things you can do to cultivate togetherness . Help your partner achieve his goals. Face your problems as a team. Develop a private spiritual or religious world. Choose a new interest to pursue jointly. Do chores together. Play.
And get the oxytocin flowing. Oxytocin is a brain chemical that produces feelings of trust and attachment. Men get a blast of it when they kiss, women feel a rush when they hold a lover's hand, and during orgasm, both partners are flooded with the powerful substance. So last but not least, enjoy each other physically. Good sex really does build intimacy.
MY THOUGHTS
if you're looking for a man who will define intimacy the way you do, which is 'talking heart-to-heart' with the 'anchoring gaze', don't despair. there are men like that. you just have to look harder. there are not many of them out there.
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