Rate Your Current Relationship

Relationships 101

Daily Inspiration

By John H. Sklare, Ed.D, Lifescript Personal Coach

Published May 11, 2012

 

On a scale from 1 to 10, with 1 meaning horrible and 10 meaning blissful, how would you rate the level of happiness with your current relationship?

If you’re like most people and are being totally honest, I’m guessing few of you would choose a 9 or 10. I say that because, whenever I’ve asked this question in the past, I seldom get those high marks. Why? Because regardless of how good your current relationship is, it could always be better.

The best advice given on relationships can be summed up in the following word… communication.

The two kinds of critical communications are verbal and non-verbal. When combined, they create the deepest, most satisfying and healthiest kinds of relationships.

Some people are great at saying “I love you” verbally, but are poor at showing their love behaviorally.

For example, take the partner who easily says “I love you” all the time but never makes themselves available to help you when you need assistance or can’t seem to offer you that all important hug when you want it most.

Then there are those who will break their backs physically demonstrating how much they love you through actions, but can never bring themselves to say those words. They’re always right there when you need something physical - like helping with the housework or providing the hug I mentioned earlier - but you’ll never hear “I love you” from their lips.

 

 If you need to hear those words, a partner who isn’t verbally communicative can be frustrating and disappointing. And if you need to see physical demonstrations of your partner’s love and they never show it, you also find yourself unhappy and feeling disconnected. Even though I generally feel that showing you love someone is more important than saying it, a healthy combination of both is needed in most relationships.

Let me ask you to again return to the 10-point scale I referred to earlier. I want you to rate yourself and your partner on the following two questions (10 means Always and 1 means Never):

Performance regarding showing love verbally:
YOU ______     YOUR PARTNER ______
Performance regarding showing love non-verbally:
YOU ______     YOUR PARTNER ______

If you answered those questions honestly, you may now have some insight that you didn’t have before. By making these two subjective assessments, you can identify the areas where improvement can be made.

If you’re brave enough, ask your partner to answer these questions too. This is a fun and non-threatening way to gently introduce this subject to your spouse or partner. I also think you’d find it enlightening to see how your partner views you on these two forms of communication.

 

After seeing and discussing your scores, you and your mate both should make a conscious effort to improve those areas where communication is weak and become a better partner for the other. Your relationship will grow deeper and much stronger as a result.

Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare

www.innerdiet.com 

 

 

MY THOUGHTS

 

If you got a low rating, don't despair.  The ability to communicate is a skill.  It can be learned.  It can be improved.  If you love each other enough, you can work this out.

 

Be warned, though.  Even if you're lucky enough to have found the 'perfect blend',  without constant nurturing, things can go down the drain.  People clam up.  People withdraw.  

Don't look up to your partner to give their share.  You are part of the equation, too.

 

 

 

What Do You Prefer in YOur Relationship: WORDS OR ACTIONS?

Words Versus Action
Daily Inspiration
By John H. Sklare, Ed.D, Lifescript Personal Coach
Published December 10, 2010

There are two separate but distinct kinds of emails that I receive from people who are struggling in their relationships: Those whose significant other says he or she loves them but doesn’t show it, and those whose significant other shows love but never says it.

Personally, I tend to judge people more by what they do than by what they say. However, the ideal relationship contains a healthy mix of both of these. But some people get all words and others get all actions. Today I ask you to reflect on which two modes of loving communication you most appreciate. In other words, even though both are important, what’s more important to you in an intimate relationship? Is it what your lover says or does?

Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare

MY THOUGHTS

What's more important to me in a relationship?  If I have to choose between words and actions, I'd probably go for the latter. Who doesn't want to feel that you're loved?.  Who wouldn't want to be showered with love?  Still, it's nice to hear, every so often, what the other person feels.  Why does it have to be a choice between the two?  I believe you can have both.  It's not impossible.  But if you are in a relationship where you have one but not the other, be thankful.  Be very thankful.  Some people have not even experienced either one.

WHEN A HUSBAND DOESN'T SHARE HIS FEELINGS

Q&A – Help! My Husband Doesn’t Share His Feelings
Daily Inspiration
By John H. Sklare, Ed.D, Lifescript Personal Coach
Published May 05, 2011

Q: How do you deal with a husband who doesn’t share his thoughts and feelings with you?

-Erica S.

A: Hi Erica,

You ask a great question about a communication issue that lies at the center of many women’s heartache. Your husband is like a lot of men in this way. For some women, this poses no problem because they’re perfectly happy with a man who simply loves and cares for them through action. Others, like you, need something much deeper from their mate than mere physical displays of love.

Sometimes you can draw out more thoughts and feelings from your man through friendly and playful probing. However, for most men, the reluctance to engage in intimate communication is the result of a lifetime of behaving this way. Some people get involved in couples groups that specialize in strengthening communication skills, or you can start short-term marital counseling. You can’t make someone open up, but you can do everything possible to set the stage for that to happen. The good news is that these are skills that can be learned if the student is willing and the environment is safe.

Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
www.innerdiet.com

MY THOUGHTS

I belong the  "other" group.  And in all my encounters with men, I found one.  Just one man who have no qualms about sharing his thoughts and feelings.  Whatever they were. It was truly endearing. And refreshing.  And actually liberating to be allowed into those inner thoughts and feelings that are so different from mine.

GETTING WHAT YOU WANT IN RELATIONSHIPS

You Want What You Want
Daily Inspiration
John H. Sklare, Ed.D
Published May 29, 2006

The desire for acceptance, love and recognition is a very powerful drive in human behavior.  We all want to be liked, supported and treated with respect from those around us.  Unfortunately, we don't always get what we want.  Sometimes those who we seek love, acceptance and support from simply refuse to give it or, because of issues of their own, simply don’t deliver it.  Issues, I might add, that typically have nothing to do with you.  It's the difference, however, between what you want and what you get from those around you that often sets your emotional temperature and creates your level of happiness and contentment.

If you find yourself in this boat and are not getting what you want and need from those around you, why not make today the day you start taking action.  My theory is this.  If someone does something that consistently upsets you and you say nothing, you have no right to be upset if they continue that behavior.  So here’s your assignment today.  Pick one person in your life that consistently does this to you and tell them, in a loving and non-confrontational way, what you really want from them.  This is how you begin to close the gap between what you want and what you get.

Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
www.innerdiet.com

MY THOUGHTS

Don't assume anything.

MISTAKES MEN MAKE WITH WOMEN

8 Mistakes Men Make with Women
By Stephanie O’Neill, Special to Lifescript
Published July 31, 2009

What do women want? Men have been asking this question since the beginning of time. Of course, we’ve been telling them, but they clearly weren’t listening (Mistake No.1). In this Lifescript exclusive, our relationship gurus reveal the 7 other mistakes men make with women. Plus, find out how well you understand the opposite sex with our quiz…

Despite our reputation for always wanting to talk, women still seem to be a mystery to men. And it’s this basic difference that can turn our simple requests (“Can you empty the dishwasher?”) into a fight about how you don’t like his mother.

Women aren’t blame-free, but sometimes it is the fellas’ fault.

The fact is, men and women are hard-wired differently. And although we’ve evolved from our cave-dwelling days, genes still trigger modern-day gaffes, says Alison Armstrong, who teaches national seminars designed to bridge the gender gap.

Blame the miscommunication on age-old “hunter” and “gatherer” traits, she says.

Men fall back on their own wants and needs – instead of their partner’s – when making a relationship game plan, says Patricia Love, a marriage and family therapist, author of The Truth About Love and co-author of How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It (Broadway) (Yes, Dr. Love is her real name.)

“It’s like the Golden Rule: Do unto others as they would do unto you. Men treat women like they want to be treated,” she says. “But that misses the mark because men and women are different.”

Does your man make any of these 8 common mistakes with you?

Mistake #1: Not Listening

Sound familiar? It’s the No. 1 complaint women have about their partners.

Men underestimate the power of simply listening, Love says. But it isn’t all his fault.

Women get a dopamine hit and build bonds through conversation. The average man doesn’t get that same high.

“Men don’t understand that women talk to connect,” Love says. “A man thinks she is talking to tell him something.”

And his natural tendency is to fix whatever problem the woman in his life is presenting… whether she asked for help or not.

The Fix: Three simple words are magic for women, Love says. All a man needs to say is “Tell me more.” And if he really wants to sweeten the deal? “I’m interested.”

Mistake #2: Not Offering Help

We’ve spent the day at the office, made dinner and fed the dog. Is it too much to hope that our man would do the dishes without being asked?

When a woman needs or wants help, she may not ask for it. No one wants to admit she can’t live up to Superwoman expectations, Armstrong says.

“This one is so huge,” Love agrees. A man who doesn’t understand the power of the broom may feel the consequences in the bedroom. “He doesn’t understand that housework and sex are very related.”

How? “For the average woman, housework pours cold water on foreplay. But seeing her man do housework? That’s foreplay,” she says.

So what’s a well-intentioned man to do?

The Fix: First, guys need to look up from the TV and see what their women are doing. Most likely, she's not relaxing. Is she doing chores? It’s time to pitch in.

Second, men need to remove the word “help” from their offer. As wannabe Superwomen, our natural response is, “No, I’ll do it.” If hubby asks, “Is there something I can do?” you’re more likely to embrace his offer.

Mistake #3: Thinking Men and Women are Alike

Why did he give you an Xbox for your birthday? Because it’s what he would like… so naturally you would too.

When men “give,” it’s often based on what they want, not what their partner wants,” says Michael Broder, Ph.D., psychologist and author of Can Your Relationship Be Saved? (Impact Publishers)

This extends even to bedroom activities.

This isn’t just a guy trait, though. “[People] are naturally self-referential,” Armstrong agrees. We assume another human is just like us.

Men and woman often have compatible interests, but when they don't it “causes giant rifts in the relationship,” Broder says.

The Fix: He needs to learn about your needs. What turns you on? How can he support you?

And it’s easy to gain this valuable information: He simply needs to ask.

“Opening up that line of communication will show almost instant results,” Broder says. “[Otherwise], chances are you’re either going to lose the relationship or there’s going to be retaliation of some kind.”

Mistake #4: Misunderstanding the ‘Silent Treatment’

Guys think they’re being punished when their gal gives them the cold shoulder. In reality, the silence means she’s hurt and can’t speak, Armstrong says.

They also have it wrong when the silence lingers. He may believe the wound has healed, but when she’s not talking at all, the relationship has gone from bad to worse.

“Men make the mistake of thinking that silence is a good sign, but she may be making an exit plan,” Love says.

The Fix: When a woman is quiet, a man needs to ask what’s wrong. He needs to check on his partner and relationship.

The magic words? “What’s on your mind, Honey?”

The best thing a man can do is reach out with compassion, Armstrong says. It’s key to making a woman feel safe enough to express her real emotions.

Not sure where to start? He should say, “I don’t know what I did, but I’m so sorry,” she suggests.

Mistake #5: Failing to Communicate

It’s a common complaint women have about men: Why won’t he just tell me what he’s thinking?

As ancient hunters, men needed to conserve calories. Today, they save words – which is why they don’t verbalize what’s obvious to them, Armstrong says.

When you suggest going to the movies, your guy may say “no” without explanation. In his mind, the rationale is obvious: The theater will be too crowded; parking will be hard; he’s tired from work.

But that’s not clear to you and when he doesn’t offer information, it sends the wrong message.

We think, He never wants to do what I want; he doesn’t want to spend time with me; he’s a cheapskate. “We make up all these other reasons,” Armstrong says.

The Fix: He has to speak up.

“Men will be 100 times more successful with women if they explain and counteroffer,” Armstrong says.

Even if their alternate plans never happen, it will leave you feeling connected instead of rejected.

Mistake #6: Thinking That ‘Physically Present Is Enough’

A man believes that if his body is in the house, it’s a form of intimacy, Love says. Never mind that he’s on the computer in the office and you’re watching a movie in the family room.

“Tandem activities are intimacy for guys,” Love says. “Just your presence is comforting to him.”

But the same doesn’t hold true for women. For the fairer sex to feel close, a man must reach out physically, emotionally or mentally.

“One of your senses has to be stimulated,” she says.

The Fix: It’s about the three Ts: talking, touching and tuning in. Men need to make contact with a woman for her to feel intimacy.

“Unless there's S.O.S. – skin on skin – contact or eye contact, it doesn’t count,” Love says.

Mistake #7: Feeling Hurt by a Woman’s Distractions

For women, multi-tasking is second nature. That’s OK with your girlfriends, but your man views it differently.

For example, if you answer the phone or turn off boiling water in the middle of an important conversation with him, he thinks you’re not listening.

“But we’re not choosing,” Armstrong says. “We’re reacting to something that’s [more pressing] in our environment.”

So how can a man get a woman’s full attention?

The Fix: Men should hold her hand when talking to her. “If he’s touching her in some way, he’ll be the loudest thing in her environment,” Armstrong says.

Mistake #8: Not Getting How We Operate

DNA makes men and women navigate the world differently.

Prehistoric men (hunters) had to focus to capture prey; women (gatherers) had to be aware of everything around them to spot that ripe berry bush.

“It’s a completely different orientation toward life,” Armstrong says. “The hunter is committed to something specific; the gatherer is open to possibilities.”

That age-old dynamic exists today: A man screens out everything irrelevant to his task. He may notice the overflowing trash can or the socks on the floor, but he won’t do anything about them if his focus is elsewhere.

The Fix: Women should understand why men behave that way, Armstrong says, and the same goes for your guy. Then the realization may help him change his behavior.

But in the end, our differences are valuable. “We really were meant to shore up each other’s weaknesses,” Armstrong says.

MY THOUGHTS

If you're cursing your partner while you're reading this article, you should read it again and try to have a different perspective. Initially, I thought men should be reading this. When I got to mistake #3 ('thinking men and women are alike'), I started to think of the mistakes I've made rather than that of a former partner. Mistake # 5 (failing to communicate) made me realize both men and women should be reading this. Afte rall, communication is supposed to run along a 2-way street.

I'll have to agree that Dr. Love knows what she's talking about. She hit so many spots. I'd say it's like a bingo blackout.

The real problem is that men and women fail to recognize that although they are genetically, culturally and socially different, they are meant to be together to thresh out these differences.

TREATING YOUR FAMILY AS CLIENTS?

A Business Approach to Family Life
Helpful tips to balance work and family life

All of us have customers. As a businessman, the people I work with daily and have the privilege of serving are my customers. Many of us have another type of customer: a supervisor, a board, or another authority we report to. They are like customers because we depend on them for our jobs and therefore do our best to deliver the results they expect.

You will have a better marriage and family by treating your wife [or husband] and kids as if they were your customers. Regardless of your profession, if you put these skills to work in your marriage - just as you do at work - you will have a stronger, more fulfilling relationship with your spouse.

By Louis Upkins Jr.

Communication Strategies

Just as poor communication sends a message to your business customers that you don't value them, lack of communication in your marriage gives your wife [or husband] that same message. And as your wife [or husband] observes you checking business email at home and texting customers at your daughter's concert, she [or he] begins to feel less and less important to you. It is often the little things we do that say the most and give us an A+ in communication. Small improvements will come even if all you do is try to check in more often.

What you can do:

* - Leave a note on her pillow when you leave on a trip
* - Call when you leave the office to ask if she needs you to pick anything up on the way home
* - Text [him] from an important meeting [he] knows you stayed up late to prepare for

World-Class Customer Service

You don't have to take exceptional measures to give your loved ones great customer service. Just pay attention to the way you serve your customers. Imagine what would happen if you took the list of "little things" and made them a priority with your wife [or husband] and family.

What you can do:

* - Return calls promptly [to your spouse and children]
* - See every interaction with them as an opportunity to win them over with kindness, friendliness, and politeness
* - Never take them for granted
* - Listen carefully when they talk to you and look them in the eyes so they know you care about what they are saying
* - Turn off the cell. When you get home from work, turn it off, or at least dicipline yourself to let incoming calls go to your voice mail
* - Look for ways to compliment [your spouse and children]

When Your Customer Gets Upset

There's nothing wrong with a good fight in marriage. You disagree over something. You both state your case and go back and forth and then somehow resolve it. That's what I mean by a good fight. But too many couples use tactics when they fight that make things worse and stand in the way of any kind of peaceful resolution. For example, consider the following examples of how some couples disagree with each other and then ask yourself, Would I ever do this at work?

What you should NOT do in a fight:

*Use sarcasm
*Talk over your opponent
*Name-calling
*Yelling and screaming
*Silent treatment
*Walking out and slamming the door

Success Goes Both Ways

Win-win at work means growing your business by helping your customers succeed. It means resolving conflicts so that both you and your customer gain more than you lose. It doesn't mean letting your customer win at your expense; it means having a mutually positive experience.

At home, win-win means enabling your wife [or husband] and children to be as successful as you are, being willing to sacrifice some of what's important to you in favor of what's important to them. And as you negotiate the daily conflicts that are normal in every family, it means trying to find solutions that address your family's needs rather than fighting only for what is important to you.

Celebrate Your Success

When you think of celebrations in your family, you usually think of birthdays and anniversaries. Those are all great opportunities to celebrate. But don't let those be your only occasions to celebrate. Most families miss the almost daily opportunities to turn everyone's attention toward what is good and honorable.

Reasons to celebrate:

* - Good grades
* - No cavities
* - Loser day. If Mom or Dad is on a diet and makes some progress, pour everyone a tall glass of water and hand them a carrot stick.
* - Firsts. First day of school. First Communion. First day of a new job. First snow. First bike ride without training wheels.
* - Big accomplishments
* - Little accomplishments

MY THOUGHTS

I'm pretty sure that being taken for granted (or always taking second place to work and everything else) is one of the major reason for break-ups. I like the idea of treating your family members as clients. That's going to save a lot of relationships.

Dating Mistake #6

Dating Mistake #6 - TEXTING YOUR TROUBLES

from "Top 10 Dating Don’ts"
Your Most Important Relationship Questions Answered
By Maureen Salamon, Special to Lifescript
Published February 06, 2011

Mistake #6: Texting your troubles

Women wary of confrontation may try to prevent arguments by bringing up sore spots in texts and emails, instead of face-to-face or via phone.

But all this tactic does is stop true intimacy, says Callahan.

Plus, “it’s cowardly to avoid what needs to be talked about,” she adds.

Dating tip: To take your romance to the next level, you need to up your communication method – by picking up the phone, she adds.

“When you’re building a relationship, you’ve got to have a conversation,” she explains. “There’s only so much you can cover in 160 characters [the maximum length of a text].”

MY THOUGHTS

what is this article saying? if you have issues, drum up the courage to do it face-to-face. printed word may be easier. but remember the power of non-verbal communications. misunderstandings can still happen even while you are looking at each other's eyes. but it's harder to clear things out when you don't have body language and facial expressions to back-up your assumptions.

8 Mistakes Men Make with Womenin Relationships

8 Mistakes Men Make with Women
By Stephanie O’Neill, Special to Lifescript
Published July 31, 2009

What do women want? Men have been asking this question since the beginning of time. Of course, we’ve been telling them, but they clearly weren’t listening (Mistake No.1). In this Lifescript exclusive, our relationship gurus reveal the 7 other mistakes men make with women. Plus, find out how well you understand the opposite sex with our quiz…

Despite our reputation for always wanting to talk, women still seem to be a mystery to men. And it’s this basic difference that can turn our simple requests (“Can you empty the dishwasher?”) into a fight about how you don’t like his mother.

Women aren’t blame-free, but sometimes it is the fellas’ fault.

The fact is, men and women are hard-wired differently. And although we’ve evolved from our cave-dwelling days, genes still trigger modern-day gaffes, says Alison Armstrong, who teaches national seminars designed to bridge the gender gap.

Blame the miscommunication on age-old “hunter” and “gatherer” traits, she says.

Men fall back on their own wants and needs – instead of their partner’s – when making a relationship game plan, says Patricia Love, a marriage and family therapist, author of The Truth About Love and co-author of How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It (Broadway) (Yes, Dr. Love is her real name.)

“It’s like the Golden Rule: Do unto others as they would do unto you. Men treat women like they want to be treated,” she says. “But that misses the mark because men and women are different.”

Does your man make any of these 8 common mistakes with you?

Mistake #1: Not Listening
Sound familiar? It’s the No. 1 complaint women have about their partners.

Men underestimate the power of simply listening, Love says. But it isn’t all his fault.

Women get a dopamine hit and build bonds through conversation. The average man doesn’t get that same high.

“Men don’t understand that women talk to connect,” Love says. “A man thinks she is talking to tell him something.”

And his natural tendency is to fix whatever problem the woman in his life is presenting… whether she asked for help or not.

The Fix: Three simple words are magic for women, Love says. All a man needs to say is “Tell me more.” And if he really wants to sweeten the deal? “I’m interested.”

Mistake #2: Not Offering Help
We’ve spent the day at the office, made dinner and fed the dog. Is it too much to hope that our man would do the dishes without being asked?

When a woman needs or wants help, she may not ask for it. No one wants to admit she can’t live up to Superwoman expectations, Armstrong says.

“This one is so huge,” Love agrees. A man who doesn’t understand the power of the broom may feel the consequences in the bedroom. “He doesn’t understand that housework and sex are very related.”

How? “For the average woman, housework pours cold water on foreplay. But seeing her man do housework? That’s foreplay,” she says.

So what’s a well-intentioned man to do?

The Fix: First, guys need to look up from the TV and see what their women are doing. Most likely, she's not relaxing. Is she doing chores? It’s time to pitch in.

Second, men need to remove the word “help” from their offer. As wannabe Superwomen, our natural response is, “No, I’ll do it.” If hubby asks, “Is there something I can do?” you’re more likely to embrace his offer.

Mistake #3: Thinking Men and Women are Alike
Why did he give you an Xbox for your birthday? Because it’s what he would like… so naturally you would too.

When men “give,” it’s often based on what they want, not what their partner wants,” says Michael Broder, Ph.D., psychologist and author of Can Your Relationship Be Saved? (Impact Publishers)

This extends even to bedroom activities.

This isn’t just a guy trait, though. “[People] are naturally self-referential,” Armstrong agrees. We assume another human is just like us.

Men and woman often have compatible interests, but when they don't it “causes giant rifts in the relationship,” Broder says.

The Fix: He needs to learn about your needs. What turns you on? How can he support you?

And it’s easy to gain this valuable information: He simply needs to ask.

“Opening up that line of communication will show almost instant results,” Broder says. “[Otherwise], chances are you’re either going to lose the relationship or there’s going to be retaliation of some kind.”

Mistake #4: Misunderstanding the ‘Silent Treatment’
Guys think they’re being punished when their gal gives them the cold shoulder. In reality, the silence means she’s hurt and can’t speak, Armstrong says.

They also have it wrong when the silence lingers. He may believe the wound has healed, but when she’s not talking at all, the relationship has gone from bad to worse.

“Men make the mistake of thinking that silence is a good sign, but she may be making an exit plan,” Love says.

The Fix: When a woman is quiet, a man needs to ask what’s wrong. He needs to check on his partner and relationship.

The magic words? “What’s on your mind, Honey?”

The best thing a man can do is reach out with compassion, Armstrong says. It’s key to making a woman feel safe enough to express her real emotions.

Not sure where to start? He should say, “I don’t know what I did, but I’m so sorry,” she suggests.

Mistake #5: Failing to Communicate
It’s a common complaint women have about men: Why won’t he just tell me what he’s thinking?

As ancient hunters, men needed to conserve calories. Today, they save words – which is why they don’t verbalize what’s obvious to them, Armstrong says.

When you suggest going to the movies, your guy may say “no” without explanation. In his mind, the rationale is obvious: The theater will be too crowded; parking will be hard; he’s tired from work.

But that’s not clear to you and when he doesn’t offer information, it sends the wrong message.

We think, He never wants to do what I want; he doesn’t want to spend time with me; he’s a cheapskate. “We make up all these other reasons,” Armstrong says.

The Fix: He has to speak up.

“Men will be 100 times more successful with women if they explain and counteroffer,” Armstrong says.

Even if their alternate plans never happen, it will leave you feeling connected instead of rejected.

Mistake #6: Thinking That ‘Physically Present Is Enough’
A man believes that if his body is in the house, it’s a form of intimacy, Love says. Never mind that he’s on the computer in the office and you’re watching a movie in the family room.

“Tandem activities are intimacy for guys,” Love says. “Just your presence is comforting to him.”

But the same doesn’t hold true for women. For the fairer sex to feel close, a man must reach out physically, emotionally or mentally.

“One of your senses has to be stimulated,” she says.

The Fix: It’s about the three Ts: talking, touching and tuning in. Men need to make contact with a woman for her to feel intimacy.

“Unless there's S.O.S. – skin on skin – contact or eye contact, it doesn’t count,” Love says.

Mistake #7: Feeling Hurt by a Woman’s Distractions
For women, multi-tasking is second nature. That’s OK with your girlfriends, but your man views it differently.

For example, if you answer the phone or turn off boiling water in the middle of an important conversation with him, he thinks you’re not listening.

“But we’re not choosing,” Armstrong says. “We’re reacting to something that’s [more pressing] in our environment.”

So how can a man get a woman’s full attention?

The Fix: Men should hold her hand when talking to her. “If he’s touching her in some way, he’ll be the loudest thing in her environment,” Armstrong says.

Mistake #8: Not Getting How We Operate
DNA makes men and women navigate the world differently.

Prehistoric men (hunters) had to focus to capture prey; women (gatherers) had to be aware of everything around them to spot that ripe berry bush.

“It’s a completely different orientation toward life,” Armstrong says. “The hunter is committed to something specific; the gatherer is open to possibilities.”

That age-old dynamic exists today: A man screens out everything irrelevant to his task. He may notice the overflowing trash can or the socks on the floor, but he won’t do anything about them if his focus is elsewhere.

The Fix: Women should understand why men behave that way, Armstrong says, and the same goes for your guy. Then the realization may help him change his behavior.

But in the end, our differences are valuable. “We really were meant to shore up each other’s weaknesses,” Armstrong says.

MY THOUGHTS

“The hunter is committed to something specific; the gatherer is open to possibilities.” - this is my favorite. i really don't need to explain why.